Archive for March 20th, 2009

MAKING LOVE: PERFECTING YOUR TECHNIQUE

Some of the things women say about men indicate what they would like to see changed.

“I’d like him to touch me all over a lot more — more foreplay, more heavy petting, more kissing everywhere and more oral sex.”

“I love my breasts and nipples to be fondled and caressed, and I’ve always wondered if I could have a climax just by simply being played with, but my partner is too impatient.”

“My partner thinks it’s ‘soft’ to kiss.” Men should be sensual as well as sexual and many feel uneasy about engaging in purely pleasurable activities. To overcome this, when giving caresses, think of the pleasure you are providing to a loved one. Most women find foreplay hugely enjoyable, and see hugs and kisses as the true signs of affection. Try to find your partner’s most sensitive areas and the kind of stimulation she prefers.

Don’t be afraid to relax and let your partner take the initiative. Let her know, either in words or gestures, what feels especially good and, if necessary, guide her hand with yours. Try to concentrate on what you feel and the proximity of her body as she touches you. Respond to your feelings by breathing more heavily, moving, or expressing pleasure verbally. Most women find a responsive man very exciting. Don’t feel that you have to be successful at every sexual encounter. Most women are quite sympathetic to an occasional failure, and may even view it as an opportunity to show their love.

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CAN A MAN MASTURBATE TOO MUCH?

Men commonly report masturbatory frequency ranging from once a month to two or three times a day. Nearly every man is concerned about the supposed mental effects of excessive masturbation, but every man considers excessive levels of masturbation to consist of a higher frequency than he practises himself. A man who masturbates once a month sees once or twice a week as excessive, with mental illness as a quite possible complication of such frequency. A man who masturbates two or three times a day thinks five or six times a day is excessive. No man, however, has the fear that his particular masturbatory pattern is excessive, regardless of frequency.

There is no medical evidence to suggest that masturbation, regardless of frequency, leads to any form of mental illness. In fact, it may be the case that men masturbate too little – both in time spent and in number of occasions. More pleasure, more sensuality and greater control can be positive results of masturbatory activity.

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THE TWO SEXES: YOUR APPEARANCE-WHAT MEN CAN DO

• You talk warmly or sexually to your partner to arouse her.

• You hold or rub your body against your partner’s body.

• You kiss your partner passionately.

• You kiss with your tongues in each other’s mouths.

• You fondle your partner’s body when she is clothed.

• You undress your partner and see her naked body.

• You caress your partner’s naked body.

• You kiss your partner’s breasts and lick, suck, or gently take her nipples into your mouth.

• With your hands you explore and stroke your partner’s vaginal area.

• You lick and kiss around and inside your partner’s vagina.

• You bring your partner to orgasm by stimulating her clitoris and vaginal area with your hands

and fingers.

• You bring your partner to orgasm by stimulating her clitoris and vaginal area with your mouth.

• You reach orgasm by intercourse in any of the following positions: with you on top; lying

side-by-side; with you approaching behind; with your partner on top; both sitting; both

kneeling; both standing.

• You fondle or kiss your partner’s buttocks and anal area.

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ATTRACTION AND DESIRE AND ATTRACTING A PARTNER

Although many myths exist as to what men and women find attractive in each other, scientists believe that many of the associations we form in infancy help to determine whom we choose as sexual partners, or soul mates, and that patterns laying down tendencies for love relationships are etched into our brains.

The infinite range of human experience through holding, touching, feeling, stimulating, trusting, talking and listening is involved in the sexual attraction of a loving couple and their desire for each other.

Attracting a Partner-Both our ability to love, and our style of loving, begin to develop from the moment we’re born. Scientists believe that many of the associations we form in infancy help determine whom we choose as sexual partners, or soul mates, and that patterns which lay down tendencies for love relations are etched into our brains.

I can show you how this might be so by looking at how just one of the five senses — smell — predetermines a particular choice. Each of us, even in our highly deodorized society, has a unique odour that is the sum of our glandular secretions – a “smell signature”. Whether our smell signature is attractive to other people — for instance, because it reminds them happily of their mothers – or is off-putting because it reminds them of detested ex-spouses, say, depends on those people’s own associations. Associations are linked to smell because the olfactory bulb involved with smell reception feeds into the part of the brain that is intimately linked with emotion and affective memory.

In the same way, we can learn to like the smells of our loved ones. Studies have shown that lovers can pick each other out of a group solely by their unique aromatic signatures (and that is how babies first bond with their mothers). If we lose our ability to smell, we normally suffer a pronounced slump in sex drive.

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SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT: A WOMAN’S BODY

Skeleton Starting around age two, a girl grows at the average rate of 5 centimetres (2 inches) per year. At around the age of ten, she experiences a growth spurt and begins to grow at a faster fate, gaining approximately 10 centimetres (4 inches) or more in a single year, but then slows down again until she reaches her final height, approximately one to three years after the onset of menstruation. While her bones are growing longer, not all grow at the same rate. Arm, leg and feet bones grow at a faster rate than, say, spinal bones, and the pelvic bones take on a characteristically wide shape.

A woman has a wider pelvis than a man, in older to accommodate a growing baby, and her thigh bones are set wider apart. The thighs have to slant quite steeply inwards for the knees to come near the centre of gravity, so most women have a degree of knock knees.

Body hair Sexual body hair usually appears around the eleventh or twelfth year, just after the breasts have begun to grow. Pubic hair is longer, coarser, darker in colour, and curlier than one’s normal childhood hair, which has been present on the body since birth. Pubic hair first appears on the vulva and gradually spreads over the mons and vaginal lips, forming an upside-down triangle. In some women, pubic hair grows up toward the navel and out onto the thighs.

Women differ in the amount of pubic hair that grows. Some have a lot; for others it is sparse. It can be any colour and does not have to match the head hair. As a woman ages, her pubic hair may go grey. Almost two years after the appearance of pubic hair, further hair starts growing in the armpits.

Muscles and fat Fat begins to be deposited on the breasts, hips, thighs and buttocks when a girl is about nine to ten. Later on, when she is about 15 to 17, more fat appears in the same areas. While her hips become rounded and swelling, the waist becomes curved and well-defined. Some women develop stretch marks – faint purplish or white lines – on their skin at this time. This happens when the skin is stretched too much during this period of rapid growth.

The genitals A man’s genitals lie on the surface of his body where they are easily seen and handled. A woman’s genitals, however, are relatively inaccessible, more numerous and fairly complex in design. Just as in other areas of human anatomy, the genitals of women are individual; they come in a variety of shapes, sizes, colours and textures.

Breasts The breasts are a symbol of feminine identity, forming part of the body image. Initially designed to nourish an infant, they are often far more highly regarded by society as a principal source of eroticism, a symbol of femininity, a determinant of fashion and a measure of a woman’s beauty.

The breasts, or mammary glands, are modified sweat glands. Each woman’s breasts are unique in their size, shape and appearance, and this variation not only occurs between women but in the same woman at different times of her life, that is during the menstrual cycle, pregnancy and lactation. One breast is very often larger than the other.

In the centre of the breast is a ring of skin called the areola; the nipple sits in its centre. The nipple and areola can range in colour from a light pink to a brownish-black.

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